Still here yet better???

     Wow, I have a hard time believing that so much time has passed since I decided to start taking Methadone as a means of coming off my addiction to opiates and crack(at the end). It has been well over 5 years! :(
     That being said, and me feeling somewhat sad at checking out my blog here that I had started within the 1st year of being under the tutelage of Methadone. At which time I was already complaining of its grips it had on me.
      I cannot say all bad things about methadone, because, although I have been taking it for 5 years or so, I have NOT been clean from everything else during that period, which I should have been clean, as that was the purpose of using Methadone.
      I am now rounding up to 2 years of any serious drug abuse, which is due in large part because of a few things.
      #1- I have 2 daughters that need a Daddy, of which Mommy had let go of in June of 2007.
     #2- I somehow realized that there was more of a reason for my lost way of living and using drugs, than just wanting to get high!
I found out that it was NOT just because i liked to get high (although I did), I was Hiding, Running, Scared and Lonely. I make many wrong choices in my life, and a lot of them was sticking with people and places that were not healthy. I am not talking about the drug addicts and the obviously dysfunctional types, but the so called loving ones that would always reject me and my ideas, not back me up-so to speak- in Love. I allowed myself to endure rejection and feelings of inferiority towards almost every other human being, something I still have a problem with today.
     Somehow God has kept me alive and I am more aware of my shortcomings now than ever before. This is where I am today, still clean, yet on 70 mg of ?medicine?/day.
I am struggling quite a bit within myself to actually get up out of a depressed state I have gotten myself into by way of trying to get my Wife/Ex (not yet divorced) to be nice in a way that my children and I could enjoy a GREAT relationship. One built on love, God's Love. She refuses to smile, to talk, she has ignored me 100% since we split up, except for a few times which were terrific, because my girls and I would flourish for a few days, then something somehow Wanda TURNED and puts an end to any joy.
My girls end up acting like their mom by not speaking to me and not answering my calls. Wanda likes to threaten me with sending me to jail whenever she gets mad.

Well thats it in a nut shell, I guess, besides that fact of me being clean and not at all serene, I qualify as a man in recovery, the THROWS of recovery.

Good- well Great thing is that God is with me and I am driven by His words that tell me That LOVE conquers all thing and I should LOVE even though s  that persecute me! So I do- For Real.

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!
For ME is only possible with God Through Jesus Christ :) .

AFTER THOUGHT
       - I have lost a lot of things since I started using methadone, and It would appear that with the hope of a Quick Fix, or way of escaping my drug addiction, I tried something that took me to places(in my addiction) I didn't want to go, and Has kept me there longer than I ever could have imagined.

ANSWER TO PROBLEM-(other than the obvious, just say no crap) Education, early on in societies lives, Yet even more so in the process of starting on a methadone program, we addicts NEED Discipline
and a plan- we are smart people and many of us could work with those in the Money, oops, the dr's and specialists that DICTATE METHADONE USE.

We are (Methadone Users) mostly looked on as lab rats who walk, talk and do almost anything in order to stay on dose. It is SICK.