SUBOXONE

Wow! here it is 7-8 years on Methadone and now almost 2 weeks switching to Suboxone.
I cannot yet say much more than I have far less get up and go, went through serious withdrawals the 1st 2 days on it. Apparently that was caused by the methadone and the Suboxone combating one another.
I was supposed to NOT take my Methadone for at least 2 days to allow myself to be in full withdrawal before starting the Suboxone in order for the proper effect.
I was on 65mls of Methadone prior to the switch over and my Doctor had ONLY gave me 4 doses of 4mg that were to last 4 days. "NOT", I was back at the clinic within 3 days and was re-prescribed 3 doses of 8mg per day.
I really want to STOP this life long pill popping and drug taking just to feel normal, BUT- for now I will accept the Suboxone as my 1st step in cleaning my body of the years of Methadone use, and if I can add 1 PLUS I have encountered, that is SEX. Yup, what I had thought was good, suddenly was way better :).

I hope to start a more regular posting on my life in the world of Methadone and Choices, and now Suboxone. The cost of choosing to use drugs and becoming an addict is NOT worth any joy or escape that you may think is only going to be temporary.
CHOOSE TO STAY DRUG FREE AT ALL COSTS, IF POSSIBLE; and if you do get caught up in the life somehow or another- PLEASE choose a good recovery group and plan prior to the ease of getting CHAINED to Methadone. REALLY.
GOD cleaned me up once and when I chose to return 6 years latter- it was 7 x worse.

Your Friend Bill- In Recovery

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My 1st blog since the dinasours, lol. Well ti keep it lite-I will say a simple WOW, as I am the New Mayor of he INTERNET.

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Post One- Done

I Love My Friends- be one.

Still here yet better???

     Wow, I have a hard time believing that so much time has passed since I decided to start taking Methadone as a means of coming off my addiction to opiates and crack(at the end). It has been well over 5 years! :(
     That being said, and me feeling somewhat sad at checking out my blog here that I had started within the 1st year of being under the tutelage of Methadone. At which time I was already complaining of its grips it had on me.
      I cannot say all bad things about methadone, because, although I have been taking it for 5 years or so, I have NOT been clean from everything else during that period, which I should have been clean, as that was the purpose of using Methadone.
      I am now rounding up to 2 years of any serious drug abuse, which is due in large part because of a few things.
      #1- I have 2 daughters that need a Daddy, of which Mommy had let go of in June of 2007.
     #2- I somehow realized that there was more of a reason for my lost way of living and using drugs, than just wanting to get high!
I found out that it was NOT just because i liked to get high (although I did), I was Hiding, Running, Scared and Lonely. I make many wrong choices in my life, and a lot of them was sticking with people and places that were not healthy. I am not talking about the drug addicts and the obviously dysfunctional types, but the so called loving ones that would always reject me and my ideas, not back me up-so to speak- in Love. I allowed myself to endure rejection and feelings of inferiority towards almost every other human being, something I still have a problem with today.
     Somehow God has kept me alive and I am more aware of my shortcomings now than ever before. This is where I am today, still clean, yet on 70 mg of ?medicine?/day.
I am struggling quite a bit within myself to actually get up out of a depressed state I have gotten myself into by way of trying to get my Wife/Ex (not yet divorced) to be nice in a way that my children and I could enjoy a GREAT relationship. One built on love, God's Love. She refuses to smile, to talk, she has ignored me 100% since we split up, except for a few times which were terrific, because my girls and I would flourish for a few days, then something somehow Wanda TURNED and puts an end to any joy.
My girls end up acting like their mom by not speaking to me and not answering my calls. Wanda likes to threaten me with sending me to jail whenever she gets mad.

Well thats it in a nut shell, I guess, besides that fact of me being clean and not at all serene, I qualify as a man in recovery, the THROWS of recovery.

Good- well Great thing is that God is with me and I am driven by His words that tell me That LOVE conquers all thing and I should LOVE even though s  that persecute me! So I do- For Real.

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!
For ME is only possible with God Through Jesus Christ :) .

AFTER THOUGHT
       - I have lost a lot of things since I started using methadone, and It would appear that with the hope of a Quick Fix, or way of escaping my drug addiction, I tried something that took me to places(in my addiction) I didn't want to go, and Has kept me there longer than I ever could have imagined.

ANSWER TO PROBLEM-(other than the obvious, just say no crap) Education, early on in societies lives, Yet even more so in the process of starting on a methadone program, we addicts NEED Discipline
and a plan- we are smart people and many of us could work with those in the Money, oops, the dr's and specialists that DICTATE METHADONE USE.

We are (Methadone Users) mostly looked on as lab rats who walk, talk and do almost anything in order to stay on dose. It is SICK.

Hey, do we really have a choice?, like are we born like this?

Don't think so. I believe we(I) worked hard at hiding and finding new and more creative ways to feel good.

Now I just have to pay a set price each day- How Sick- I know.

Life is not that terrible really, I am 75% happy- this Methadone really gets in the way of the personal married life, as far as intimacy goes.
I have been told many things about this stuff and nobody ever told me how much of a hold it would end up with on me. - I hate it.

I am babbling now- it's late, good night and God Bless.

P.S. I need to get to a Methadone meeting or somewhere to really get open and honest and just better- cause I am getting well(better,healthier).

I was lost broken and wanting to just feel better. When I was introduced to the possibility of getting an inexpensive drug supplied to me everyday at a really cheap price $5.50 per drink or rather per dosage I thought that would be great. No more chasing around trying to get my fix or my next feel good, heck, this would solve my life problems, I could start going to work everyday not worrying about having to leave to pick-up or whether or not my perscription (oxys) would last or not- they never lasted more than a day or two.

That was all too good to be true, because I fell for it>>>> and hard. That was 2 and a half years ago and today my life is as solid as mashed potatoes. I am a slave to methadone now for sure. Well I guess it is ALL my fault, I should have never started using drugs anyways. That is not quite where I want to go with this Blog, I am more interested of whether or not I am Alone in believing that I am a victim of sorts and or should have been a little more informed about the seriousness of Methadone or 'done' as the street calls it.

I want to try and propose something as it pertains to Methadone and the administering of it. I believe that, now that I am an experienced Methadone user I am more than qualified to speak on it's effects and hazards.

1st- what is the qualifications to become a Meth patient?

2nd- What are the qualifications of the Meth Doctor?are there any?

3rd- What are the statistics(since inception of Methadone)on successful recovery?

4th- Is there anything after methadone?

I am at a crossroads as to what to do with my life now, I have zero energy, no sex drive, my whole life and thinking is centered around getting my next drink.

Not a lot of different from before Meth. I Hate it.

Except that I have found out that the Pain of Withdrawl is far worse than any other Opiate I ever have had the displeasure of getting clean from.

Will this ever end?

I am now taking 130mls of methadone mix or 26 something that you x by 5 to get 130, anyways I have zero drive for life and nobody told me any of this to be prepared for my days as a methadone addict. Again I hate it I AM A TOTAL SLAVE- very embarrased and humbled at my state of affairs.

I think that this whole methadone thing is ALL about, what else- MONEY- what else could spawn so many new meth clinics popping up all over? Well I had though that I had come across a caring set of docs that had my best interests at heart. Oh for the gullable people as myself.

If you are a person to whom this type of life has become you as well then please talk to me.

I still am asked to get down to the clinic 2 times a week and to the pharmacy 5-7 days, depending ,I think, on my Dr.'s feelings or something, I don't know much but I do know that to run one of these clinics it is more profitable for them to just give you the drug, collect their money and send you on your way. I Hate this life.

But lo and behold, I am a surviver and I will survive in spite of the hoops that I am forced to jump through. I will just lead a life that is heartless and cold until then (I can't be heartless).

I say "down with methadone" as a means to just cover up your addiction and no to just being able to walk in and score some dope.